the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
