hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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