Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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