Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
