my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
My balls are so social today.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
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All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
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What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
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