Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
