are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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