every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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