Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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