is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
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Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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