I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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