I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
