are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
