she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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