so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
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i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
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Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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