Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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