My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
