The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
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