Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
