When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
