i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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