Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
