Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
