I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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