I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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