We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
