Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
