Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
