I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
