So drunk its hurt
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
