We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
