K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
