if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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