i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
