Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
