she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
