Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
