I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
