Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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