This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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