You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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