i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
