thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
