she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
