you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
