the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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