Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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