I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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