so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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