i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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