$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
