i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
