Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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