We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
