Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize