i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
only if we run a train.
done.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize