there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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