Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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