oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
