Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
