i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
