Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
