I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
